At the end of 8 weeks

I titled this a moment like this simply because there are many moments that I have experienced thus far, and many more to come. These moments are what will shape me and redefine my beliefs and resolve in this line of work.

At the end of 8 weeks, there are some critical moments that I will remember, big and small. Rather than events, it is students who have shaped me and strengthened my beliefs that the world can indeed be changed, with these children full of hope, fun and excitement in their lives despite being in the same world that vicious adults exist in.

I must remember Godffrey from 3R3, a hero worshiped for his athletic abilities in either soccer or running. Apparent from his name, many saw him as a being better than others, yet he faces stress unimaginable to us. It was this day when Mr Shasi and I were trying to get students into the mood to study by telling them how difficult and imminent the mid year exams were. Fatefully, I compared Godffrey whom I viewed as a student overly involved in soccer and neglecting his work to a fellow student also in the same CCA, Khairul, who was managing his work well despite the participation in matches. At the end of the class, Godffrey said that for every match that Khairul played, he played three matches, and every single match. He walked away perturbed, and I decided to follow him, wondering if my words have hurt him. True enough, he wandered down the stairs, straddling back his tears, and I immediately regretted what I said. Just like I dislike being compared to others, I have stooped to being that to a student. Upon chatting with him, with him in tears at the sit-up bench, I realised that he was not hurt by what we said, but rather the immense stress that he was facing. He knew that he was not up for the mid years yet, and the responsibility of winning matches laid upon his shoulders. I told him that he reminded me of spiderman, who, quote :had great powers that come with great responsiblity. I found out that with the matches, every match he played would drain him for the next entire day and he would simply be unable to concentrate in class. We are far to quick to judge when a student sleeps in class, blaming inattentiveness and poor attitude of students. They may have other reasons behind that, I have come to realised. Just like how we face stress and everything seems huge to us compared to the students' worries, we forsake the fact that the stress they face are equally mammoth to them just like our own problems to us. I feel like I have failed and conformed to the original framework of a teacher, overwhelmed with work and forgetting to reach out to my students. Godffrey reminded me of that, and I decided to offer him a tailored program to help him catch up. When he told me his plan to give up soccer even if they move on to semi finals, my heart crunched. I knew that he was crushing his own dreams for the sake of exams. How can we crush these dreams and hope that students dare to dream of a better future, when we hold the cards and puppet them along, following our steps? Luckily, our school team did not make it to the next round, otherwise I would hate to be the one to tell him to sacrifice his dreams for the sake of one test, which I cannot remember now my secondary 3 test results. What was encouraging was that he came to look for me the next day as per agreed for his special program, and brought along a bread bought from the canteen, because I have told him that my only slot was from 4 onwards, and I didnt even have time for lunch. This gesture changed my outlook to teaching, where I was fortunate enough to reap rewards even right now, that one of my students actually cared enough for me to bring me a bread and told me to eat first before I start my lesson with him. To be honest, he was frowned upon by other teachers, who thought him a hopeless case, and that angered me a little. I hope that I will not become that judgemental, and I made it my resolve to help him as much as I can before the mid years, in the hope that he can at least pass his test. That is my resolve for now, and when I saw him understanding what I taught him, being smart and all, I really felt so proud of him. I must tell him that someday, such that he will know that he, simply by answering a question correctly, have made my day and provided me with the strength to carry on, to look forward to school.

Thank you Godffrey :)